Babydog's Girlfriend

I know this has made the rounds a week or so ago, but I think it's really hitting now. I just find this too funny.

WTF!!!

I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but I tend not to check the contents of a stove when I pre-heat it. I just assume it's empty. Ha Ha Ha

WRONG!

Well, twice in the past week I have re-cooked something that someone left inside the stove. I should say left in on purpose.

I re-cooked a lamb from Easter. Which by the way had plastic over it to keep the flies off of it I guess. Melted right into the meat. YUMMY!!! Then I burnt the shit out of an apple pie. Which neither one seemed to piss anyone off. Nobody really likes lamb and some people prefer their apple pie toasted. For some reason though, I just can't seem to retrain my brain to check the contents first.

Last night we got home from the gym and stopped off at the grocery store. Had to grab some food cause I was starving. Had it all planned out so we could watch The Shield in time. Well, guess what I cooked this time, or ruined?

Somebody had left some chicken to defrost inside the stove. After pre-heating the oven for about 20 minutes I hear Catdoggg laughing and saying, "You just don't learn."

Excuse me, I'm sorry but who the fuck loads their stove up like a second fridge all the time. I was so pissed off at myself for letting it happen again that I grabbed the plate the chicken was in and burned my thumb.

Idiot!

I then wrote a big note and taped it to the back of the stove to remind me that weird people live in this house like to leave everything but small animals inside their stove.

For 32 years I had never had to worry about this. It's gonna take a while for me.

The List Keeps Growing

You know that old adage, "You see something new everyday." Well, every time I think I never will, I do.


I used to say it quite often back in the day. Then we bought another store in the Ghetto! Actually that's not fair. At first it was an up and coming neighborhood, but for some reason toward the end it turned into Raccoon City.


If I only thought of blogging back then I would have been bigger than
Dooce by now. Man! The stories I had about that place. The only reason and I stress ONLY reason I wasn't shot and left for dead was because the police station was right next door. And if it wasn't for all the cops hanging out in my store smoking cigs, scratching lotto tix, and drinking beers in the cooler I would have been long gone from this world.

Back to my original point though. Just when you think you've seen it all and heard it all, something or someone comes along and reminds you that you can never be snoozing. You never know what you may experience in this world. That's what makes life so exciting sometimes. SO PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!

I was in the locker room today and I just got out of the shower. I'm over near my locker trying to pretend I'm not sizing myself up to anyone else. What is it about those skinny guys sometimes??? Anyway, I took a nice hot shower so I was feeling good about having controlled my shrinkage when I turn to my left where the showers are...

I see a man butt naked coming out of the shower in a wheelchair. I have never seen that before. At first I say to myself why is that man naked in a wheelchair. Duh! Then I see that he's soaked and I begin to wonder if he ruined the chair at all by getting it wet. Good thing it's not that cold today or that shit would freeze and he'd be stuck to it. Nothing a warm pee can't get you out of though ...

I guess I never expected to turn around and see a grown, wet, naked man in a wheelchair this afternoon. It really took me off guard.

Yes, I stared! Quick Story I can't help it. :)

I guess I never thought about the fact that he had to take a shower. Just weird. I wish I could have taken a picture to show you guys, but I think I would have been thrown out of the Health Club. Surprisingly this is by far one of my tamest encounters with a wheelchair folk.

POP QUIZ!

Which one of the following have I done to a person in a wheelchair???

A) Caught one stealing from my store and pushed them into the street out of control with their arms flailing while a cop looked on, looked at me, smiled, and walked away.

B) Picked one up and made them stand and walk because I knew they were full of shit and then promptly muscled them out of my life.

C) Met someone in a wheelchair and shook their hand and said, "Very nice to meet you, don't get up."

D) Gave one a matchbox and told them, "Now here's some matches, now go light yourself on fire."

E) Stared at a naked man in a wheelchair and admired his girth.

F) All of the above.

For those out there that know me, this is an easy one.

Yea, and some of you think I'm going to ugly girl hell, but there's also a shit load of wheelies down there waiting for me there too.

Rant...

Don Imus.

Now most of you must know by now what has been happening. I am in no way defending him. In fact I never really liked him, his show or what he stood for, but because of that doesn't mean I feel that he should be punished like this.

Yes, what he said was ignorant. Yes, he apologized. Yes, he was to serve a suspension. Fine, but now he's been fired...

First of all there is a thing such as free speech. Doesn't mean you can make ignorant comments and expect people not to jump down your throat, but it's still a right. My issue with this whole fiasco is the double standard hypocrisy that exists in this country. Why it seems that certain individuals and groups can say one thing and others cannot. As far as I am concerned, everything and everyone should be on an equal playing field and everyone should be held accountable equally. Still amazes me that certain individuals get the witch hunt while others have a free pass, if not multiple. I mean, who decides who gets burned and who doesn't? Is there a meeting once a year and their names are on a dead pool type list. Oh wait, he finally fucked up! Lets ruin his life and others around him...

Look it, we are all shit on at some point. We all have been victims of generalization at some point as well. It sucks, but sometimes you just have to laugh. There is no way around it. I'm not gonna stand here and pretend I know what it's like to be in someone else's shoes because I can't and I won't. But if this country doesn't stop working from the back to front then nothing will ever change. Is it right? No, but it's reality.

I really feel bad for all the employees that worked for that show in some form. Now they're jobless with a family to provide for. No one seems to care about them. Don Imus has his money and eventually will be back. What's more important though? Making an example out of someone who made a mistake or hurting hundreds of others and their families for his stupidity.

That's all I have to say.

P.S. That baseball game sucked! One freaking hit. You gotta be kidding me...

Lazy Days...

I dunno, for some reason this past week and a half I've been extremely lazy. I've been tired and unmotivated to go to the gym, write, eat, you name it.

Catdoggg says it might be that I have been getting too much sleep. I'm tired though. My body is the one deciding to sleep more. I think that maybe the lack of exercise along with a bad diet are helping as well. What am I suppose to do? Get in a fight with myself. Of course that would be kind of funny. Might be a little bit like this. Too bad they don't have a pill yet that can break me out of this laziness that has overcome my system? Oh that's right, if they did there would be no more unemployment... :)

I'm dragging myself to the gym today and then to work. Just have to fight through it, but tonight I get to go to my first Red Sox game of the season... It's Dice K Mania Gonna be pretty exciting.

Some of you know that the Catdoggg works for the Red Sox so membership does have it's privileges. Hopefully I can be doing this again at the end of this season.

I think I was drunk in this pic and when you're drunk and holding a very heavy World Series Trophy and the owner of the team is to my left and his wife is taking our pic, just a bit nervoous.

Omerta

The Easter Bunny broke my fingers..

Can't type today.

Slide Time

Not too long ago, Babydog went to the playground. He seemed to be more interested in the other kids than anything else. All we cared about was throwing him down the slide and taking pictures. I think he liked it...

Who brought the cool kid?


WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


WHOA!!!


You like my foot in your face? Then put me back on the slide, cause I LIKE IT!

Quick Story...

I was going through my daily blog ritual and I came across a story at
The Boob Lady which reminded me of my own story.

I remember one time when I was at a Red Sox game with my buddy Wee-Man(sometimes referred to as Shawn or Obie). Why we call him Wee-man is another story...

We were on Yawkey Way smoking a cig (God I miss sucking those down) and this disturbingly, ugly girl walked by us.

Now I don't think Wee-Man noticed, partly because he's vertically challenged, but I sure as hell did.

You know when you see something, whatever it is and you can't stop staring at it. It's almost worse than staring at someone who is attractive. You seem to have better control at that. But someone who is odd, ugly, deformed, and you can't help but stare. It's awful. I'm awful. :)

So she walks by and shes standing about 20 feet away from my right. Wee-Man and I are chatting , but I keep looking over. Well, I look over one too many times. She thinks I'm looking at her. Looking at her!!! As my son would say, "Uh-Oh!"

She starts to smile at me. I start to react the same way Homer does when he thinks about Marge's sisters. I can feel the bile coming up my throat. She starts to walk over to me.

Now this could be Overheard in Boston...

me) Oh no!

wee) What?

me) I just stared at the sun.

wee) (looking up) It's not sunny out.

me) No this ugly girl to my right, she's coming over here.

wee) Where is sh...

me) Oh my God she's getting closer!

wee) Wh...

me) Kiss me.

wee) WHAT?

me) Kiss me quick!!!

wee) NOOOOO

At this point I lean over and pretend to maul him. I didn't know what to do! He starts laughing. I start laughing so hard I didn't even notice I spilled my beer.

I didn't turn around to see what happened next, but I assume that when she was upon us and heard us laughing about kissing each other to keep her away she probably crawled away...

I know it's kind of mean, but I still think it's funny.

From that moment I have been very careful to sneak my peeks. Ya never know when you might have to kiss your best friend to escape something...

Dodgeball Summary

Coors Light Draft $2.75 a pint....

Dodgeball...

At my health club they have a ton of activities for you. With over 75 classes a week, 2 swimming pools, 15 tennis courts, basketball court, indoor track, full weight room, more treadmills then I've ever seen and countless fitness experts at your disposal, it's hard not to find something you like.

Well, on every first Tuesday of every month they play dodgeball at 8pm. I think the best sign I saw promoting it was, "Need Couples Therapy? Come Play Dodgeball!"

Now, I've always loved dodgeball as a kid and I'd like to say that at one point I was probably very good at it. A hundred a fifty pounds later, I'm not too sure. I'm not as nimble as I once was. In fact, I never really was nimble in the first place.

You see, the guy who works there who sets up the dodgeball has been promoting a Dodgeball Tourney later this month. He's had a T.V. out playing that awful Dodgeball movie , trying to motivate people to join up.

He's been harassing me for a while now. See, "Elton" is a little too happy if you know what I mean. He's very nice, but sometimes I get the feeling I'm being undressed. Hey, I'll take that as a compliment. In fact I was doing hyper-extensions the other day and when my head was down in my movement, someone walked by me and said, "Great Breathing!" It was "Elton" Maybe as his job as a trainer he was impressed by my breathing skills because most people at the gym have no idea what they are doing, or more likely it was that because my ass was up in the air and I was breathing deeply.... You get the idea.

Regardless, I am intrigued with the idea of playing dodgeball. Every time he sees me he mentions it.

I wonder if its his balls I'll be dodging...

Anyway, so I said to him that I'll go tonight and see how things work out for me before I sign up for the tourney. I'm even trying to get my buddy Silent Steve to go with me.

STRENGTH IN NUMBERS!!!!

Little worried because I haven't thrown a ball in a while. For some of you out there you know what I mean. The repercussions of non throwing usage can screw your arm up for a while. Especially when you go all out all of a sudden. Plus, I can't really afford to hurt it because of work, the baby, and being able to push "Elton" away from me.

Wish me luck so I don't hurt anything, "Elton" doesn't find me alone in the showers, and I get to nail someone in the head....

Now if the DodgeBall Tourney was going to be like this, I wouldn't hesitate to sign up...

STRIPPER DODGEBALL

SFW EVERYTHING IS BLURRED OUT :(