The Man In Black

I know I promised a while ago to post Baby Anthony's other T-Shirt, but better late than never.















Maybe I'll go and buy some more for our viewing pleasure...

RANT!!!

Now some of you may know, but if you are unaware I am from Boston. Yes, I have the wicked Baaahston accent when I'm drunk.

You may assume that I am a Red Sox fan. That is fact as well. In fact I have been to some pretty important games in my 32 years. Many games people would die to be at. I've been blessed with season tickets most of my childhood and along with my connections now and with the great Catdoggg, I'm all set.

Now I might have to make a weekly Rant. Cause there are many things in this world that annoy the shit out of me. The only true way to make yourself feel better is the Rant about them. It's sort of like therapy. Without the high cost of paying a dummy to hear you express yourself. I might as well pay the wall. He listens all the time.

I went to the game last night. Of course they lost, but if you are a homer like myself... You are quite aware of what takes place during the 8th inning. In fact Kiki has been subjected to this. I'm sorry but this really freaking annoys me.

During the 8th inning, for some reason Fenway Park feels the need to play "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond. Ok, I might have liked it the first 32 times, but please STOP!!!

What gets me even worse is that the generation in front of me started this useless admiration, and unfortunately it filtered down to mine. Especially the stupid girls and sign wielding fans who feel a need to dance hard enough to be seen on some stupid jumbo-tron so they can say they were there. GET A LIFE!!!

Everybody loves to stand up and sing. The only reason you see any guys do this is because...

A) They are so pussy whipped that the might get yelled at for not having fun.

B) They are on a first date and will try anything to get laid.

C) They are a loser.

D) They are gay.

E) They are actually Neil Diamond.

Now, what I witnessed last night made me give up. I sat there when the song came on, surrounded by every knucklehead Bostonian singing and swaying, and I see something that just makes me ill.

I see four kids in front of me to my left. They must have been between the ages of 9 to 14. Two girls and two boys. Up on their chairs singing this stupid fucking song. Swaying back and forth like they're Mel Gibson.

Obviously they learned this rotten trait from their moronic parents. I just sat there and all I could think was that in order for me and many others who are subjected to this mind controlling Jim Jones like song was to literally destroy them.

It's like what we need to do to terrorists. You need to wipe them off the face of the Earth. Cause if you don't they will breed and their little bundles of shit will continue on with their parents work.

A child isn't a racist when they are born. They don't know hate. Therefore they sure as hell don't know "Sweet Fucking Caroline" by Neil Diamond. It's not cool anymore.

Where they hell are those Four Horsemen? Please come to Fenway tomorrow night.

I know some of you might not agree with me. I really don't care. This is one man's opinion, but I know many peeps out there who agree with me. They just might not have the testicualr fortitude to admit it.

I wish I could meet the person who decided to play this song at Fenway and started a tradition only a meteor could destroy.


I can only imagine what it will be like if the poor bastard ever passed away. It will never leave.


POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!

* This post was written by the Coalition for the Destruction of Conformity *

He Might Be Into Japanese Films...

*Note to self*

Never, ever, ever give your 4 and a half month old a shoulder ride while he has the hiccups on a full stomach.

Of course formula and sweet potato might actually be good for your hair.

Stay tuned.

p.s. I'll try not to look so overjoyed the next time A4 scores a direct hit on mommmy. Hee Hee!

By The Power Of Gray Skull!!!!!!

Ok, so some of you know how much I talk about how advanced Anthony is. How he's in this percentile and that percentile. It may be a little too much to take, but hey I don't care if I repeat myself... He's my son and he's the bomb. I am proud he is not a floppy baby and if the little guy is doing things a 6 to 8 month is doing then YES I'm going to talk about it.

Proud Father here...

What you may not know is how strong the little guy is. When I say strong I mean strong.

The kid after an hour out of being out of the wretched womb ( as Stewie from the Family Guy would say )... On a side note. Little does Anthony know that he spent 9 months of his life trying to get out and the rest of his life trying to get back in... :)

Anyway, after an hour out of the womb, he lifted his head. Since then the kid has shown advanced strength only compared to the Incredible Hulk.

He was standing at 2 and a half months. He literally walks across the room if you hold him so he doesn't fall. He hurts like hell when he whacks you in the face. Which by the way, HE LOVES TO DO... He slams his foot and pushes off from the Baby Bijorn and pushes Daddy across the room. The kid is a brute....

In fact this afternoon, Anthony was crawling up Daddy's torso when he punch me in my gut, put both hands down on me and preceded to push himself up onto his two feet and stand for all of 5 seconds. Unfortunately he has the balance of his Dad after 5 Crown Royal and cokes, but give him time. He's learning...

Which leads me to my original point.

The other morning I was watching him as Mommy went to the gym. Long ago we have removed his Mobile from the music box, because quite honestly, he doesn't really care and it keeps him awake longer than we want. Since then we have put it onto the side of his crib, out of his way. So we thought...

After I thought he was asleep, Anthony decided that he had enough of this stupid mobile part intruding on his territory. I was in the other room watching television when I heard a large thud. At first I didn't think anything of it and then I began to worry that maybe somehow he figured out how to get out of his crib. All I could think of was that Anthony fell out of his crib on my watch.

I don't know if I was more terrified of him being hurt or the repercussions from his mom. Lets just say I rushed in as fast as I could.

The part was hanging off the side of the crib. Somehow Anthony had thrown it off the side to the front. About 3 feet away. No Shit!!!

Now he likes to fall asleep with his arms dangling through the crib rails, but even if his normal automated reflex was to knock it straight up it would have landed straight down from its original position.

NO!!!! This was knocked over the side of the crib toward the front. Which means the little bugger had to lift it up and somehow undo it from the post and lift it over the front railing onto its final decent.

MONSTER!!!

I went in and he wasn't crying. He just looked at me and smiled. Like nothing ever happened. He ended up having a tiny bruise on his arm, but even if it was an automated reflex, it was one freaking strong one.

I love my Super Baby... He definitely has the POOOOWEEEEER!!!!

* This post was written under the influence of Crown Royal and Coke. Any spelling errors and repetition was not intentional. Bad grammar and run-ons were meant for Kiki's blog. No Babies were harmed during the writing of this post.

No One Gets Out Of Here Alive!!!

Now, what is it about wakes???

Nobody likes them, nobody really wants to go to them. It can be an incredibly sad day for loved ones and alike, but what about the rest of us????

It's hard enough when it's a family member or a close friend. It can be really difficult if it's one of your best friends and you see how sad they can be. But nobody thinks about the visitors and how they feel.

I'm not being selfish, I just have a really hard time going to these things. Partly because I hate seeing people upset like that. I always have this feeling that when I walk into a funeral home there are going to be hundreds of people sobbing and throwing themselves onto the casket. When in reality everyone is having a good time and smiling. THAT'S FUCKED!

I can't get over it.

Not to mention that I have ABSOLUTELY no idea how to act or what to say to anyone there. Everytime I go to one, when I am introduced I always shake their hand and ask them,

"How you doing?"

OH MY GOD!!! How do you think they are fucking doing? I'm an idiot.

Or even better, when I leave and I say good bye to someone, I always end up saying,

"Have a good night." or "Have a good one." IDIOT!!!

I know I'm not alone.

Plus, I don't think it's proper to have your girlfriend sit on your lap across from the mouring line.... UGH!!!!!

p.s. when I die do me a favor and cremate me and throw me outside of a moving truck on Route 95. Done. No awkwardness for anyone. Just go out and get drunk, cause that is what I would have wanted. Besides a room full of strippers throwing themselves on my casket. But that might be Kiki's wake...

He's Off To Explore The Rings Of Saturn

How else can I describe Anthony's 4 month visit to the doctors???

My son scored off the charts in every category on Wednesday.

He is 26 inches long and 17 pounds with a cranium of 20 inches. Which translates to him being in the 95th percentile in height and weight and being in the 90th percentile in the biggest head category...

So remember that post back in the day, where I talked about Anthony being able to beat up 86 out of a 100 kids in the school yard...

Well now he can take out 95 out of a 100 brats. Love it. My little monster baby.

GRRRRR!!!!!

He's actually doing things at 3 1/2 to 4 months that 6 month olds should be doing. No floppy baby syndrome. That's great cause I'm going to need a bodyguard when I get older since I seem to lack the motivation to go to the gym on a regular basis.

This is great cause now when I get older than I already am, I can take bets at the local VFW. "I bet my son can kick your son's ass." "I bet my son can flip that car." I bet my son has a bigger penis." OH WAIT! That would be one of Mommy's bets...

If our life was the movie Gattaca, Anthony would be leading the pack into space exploration... Or he'd sell his DNA to another inferior baby and snuff himself out in the incinerator.

Lets go with the first one.

Only one criterion : genetic perfection

Clothes Make The Man Or In This Case, The Baby!!!

I couldn't resist...

This isn't an advertisement. This isn't a professional baby model. This is my son showing off one of the shirts daddy bought for him.

Wait until you see the others...


He's so going to hate me when he gets older...

Nothing Pink Can Hurt You...

So some of you may or may not know that this past week we had a visitor. His name is Kiki... The thunder form down under, the lover of all things marsupial, the picker upper of strippers, and I hate to admit this, but he's cool...

I blame him for my recent lapse in posting. Why blame yourself when you can blame others???

Between partying with him and going to Madonna, it has been a rather tiring week.

KIKI GO HOME!!! I'm exhausted....

Madonna....

Hmm, I have to admit the woman puts on an incredible show. Catdoggg and I really only went to see one song, but ended up diggin the whole thing. 2 songs in I admitted that it was worth the money. Now, lets just hope the Red Hot Chillipeppers don't disappoint.

By the way, if you have epilepsy...DO NOT GO TO MADONNA!!!!

We also visited my old Sunday night hangout from many moons ago and was surprised to see my buddy Joe still working the bar.

On Sunday nights we used to own that place. We would come over from work or during sometimes and the numbers were high, but there was always the 6 of us and we would drink and drink and gamble and gamble our paychecks away. Playing Liars Poker between 6 to 8 people at $20 a hand could either make you very rich or very poor in seconds. Tony would whip out the dice sometimes and between that and betting on who would pee next we did it all. Good times... If you won...

Of course the night was not complete without the signature shot that I introduced to Catdoggg last night. They are called Pink Things, Why? Cause nothing pink can hurt you.

Joe's specialty. I've been drinking these shots for 9 years now and I still don't now exactly what's in them, but let me tell you that they do and will affect you operating heavy machinery.


Oh, and we taught the Catdoggg how to play Liars Poker. She of course is a natural. I'm screwed!!!

They also have a Margarita Pole that lists 9 different drinks. If you drink the pole you drink for free. Catdoggg sat there and tried to figure it out and truly thinks that she could do it, but Joe had to inform her that in his 15 years of bartending there were only 3 people who had finished it. Then after she had just two of Joe's normal Margarita, I think she quickly learned that it's almost impossible.

That's all for now...

p.s. Yes, as mentioned on another blog, expect to see the photos of Kiki and The Papadog's gay night out.

I'm Back!!!

Sorry for the delay folks. Just been so busy. You know how it is. When you go away on vacation you need another vacation when you get back. Trying to catch up on work and all the normal trivial things that you have to maintain, along with trying to find to time to drink and workout and drink. Geez, this is tough.

Anyway, vacation was great. Little Anthony is awesome. I have plenty to share but a few of you have been chopping at the bit to see pictures so I'm gonna upload a few Anthony pics for your viewing pleasure.

Enjoy...

Too cool!!!


Chilling like Bob Dylan.




Cool Maxing like Michael Jackson.



Where did my shades go???



We're in the Army now..




Is that a grenade???

VACATION!!!!

After Catdoggg gets done with her stupid double header today, we will be embarking on our first family vacation down in Newport, Rhode Island.

Very excited...

A) Family Vacation

B) Get to see Little A on the beach

C) Can get drunk

D) Hanging with friends

E) I'm not WORKING!!!!

So, the blog won't be updated for a week and I thought I HAD to pass this along since I finally have an excuse why I won't update.


Of course if I never mentioned it most of you probably would have thought I was being lazy again.

I don't think I'll be able to find a computer down there and quite honestly, I DON"T CARE!!!

I'm sure I'll have plenty of new pics and countless stories to share. So please stay tuned...

So some of you get your fix because Blogger blew the big one lately. Here are some new Anthony photos.

Take care guys...

Yes, his pants are on his head. Definitely learned that one from Daddy




Could he look anymore Irish???




Fat and Happy




OH MY GOD!!! He's been eaten by a bear!!! I don't think he likes it...

Evidence

Just so you guys know that I wasn't exaggerating. Here is the proof...

Mrs Miyagi Is The Mother Of My Child!!!!

What a crazy weekend? I think we had a little bit of everything this past weekend. Between Baby Anthony's Christening along with the party it seemed to never end. I think everyone had an incredible time.

There are many things to post but I would like to start off with Saturday night.

We had the Christening rehearsal or whatever you call it. I wasn't really paying too much attention. Sorry God. The only thing that I got out of Saturday;s rehearsal was that Baby Anthony was exorcised. So no spewing of green vomit while his head spins from him anytime soon. Instead all his vomit will be milk based instead.

Catdoggg and myself had dinner afterward with my sister and her man Craaaaaig, (as she likes to call him). After a very good meal and two bottles of wine later we decided since we have a baby sitter that we should go out for a few more drinks. We called up a few friends to meet us and now the story begins...

As some of you may know, once you have a child your time is no longer yours. When the opportunity arises to go out you go all out. Catdoggg firmly believes this. Why not? Party while you can.

We go down to the local watering hole. Trust me, it's no special place. Kiki unfortunately you'll be drinking there at some point. So Catdoggg was feeling it a bit. If you've never drank with her and she's in full drinking mode then you're in for a surprise when you do.

She likes to throw ice. And I must say she is a true marksman with the cube. Not only can she find the one crack in your clothing that it will go down, but she can do it from 10 feet away or more. Breast-a-licious can vouch for this. We have both gone home very cold. If there was an Olympic Sport for ice throwing, Catdoggg would bring home the gold.

Stolli Blueberry was the vice that night. We drank them fast and furious. I proceeded to have 90% of all the ice in her 5 drinks down my pants and in my crack. By the end of the night I was numb down below and it looked like I peed my pants. Now you know you ain't cool unless you pee your pants!!!

Between keeping me cool. Catdoggg proclaimed many times how big Baby Anthony's weapon is. Now I will admit he's got the goods and he will make some lucky girl very happy someday, but it was rather funny hearing his mom talk about it.

"Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Lend me your ears, Baby Anthony is HUGE!!!"

Now what happened next was amazing. I decided to tell a story earlier in the day about Catdoggg and how she mixed up her words. We're driving in my truck running some errands when she asks me, "How come all attorneys are lawyers?" For a split second I tried to answer the question until I realized what she said.

I thought it was rather funny so I decided to share the story. I proceeded to tell the story to our friends when she caught wind of what I was saying. I was to her right and she whips around to slap me with her right hand, when...

What happened next was incredible. In trying to hit me, an empty glass was in the way. Instead of knocking the drink over and sending it flying, over me of course.. She instead cleanly whacks the top off the glass. The glass never moved. Nothing ever fell. Liquid never dropped. She completely Miyagied the top of the glass right off. It was something that could never be planned or duplicated. Silent Steve who was there made a valid point.


"Martial Artists have been studying their crafts for years, even decades and they could never do that."

Jesus! I'm with the next Karate Kid over here.

I do have evidence of the glass, but stupid blogger sucks the big one now. I'll post it when I can.

BLAH!!!!!!!!!

I got nothing more to say then that Blogger SUCKS!!!. I wouldn't mind so much if my pics didn't dominate my posts, but since they do....

GRRR!!! Fuckers!!! FIX YOUR SHIT!!!

Annoying

Ok, how annoying is it that blogger has something wrong with them and I CAN'T UPLOAD ANY PICTURES?!?!?!?!

Evidently for 5 days now there has been and issue with them and they claim they are trying to fix it.

Don't they know I am not creative enough to write a story without a picture?

I guess I shouldn't be complaining. I guess some bloggers have had their sites jumbled and even more have had all their pictures that have been posted already turned into giant red X's.

Fun.

If I wasn't so damn lazy I'd start a new blog on a different site.

I don't know what to say. Some know that Little Anthony had his christening this past Sunday. So....

What do you call a Mexican Baptism???

Bean Dip...

I'm Soooooooo Lazy!!!

Yea, I was going to tell you how busy this week was for me...

I was going to tell you that with the Baptism this weekend and the party I had no time...

I was gonna tell you my computer broke...

I was gonna tell ya that, but in the end I was just too lazy to write. It happens every once in a while. This is probably why I will never be a top blogger. I'll have to live my blogger life vicariously from my friend from down under.

I have been thinking about this and it's made me wonder.

Recently every time I see a picture or a video of little kids I see them eating the sides of tables. I understand that they are teething and the table is convenient since some can be the same height, but it made me wonder how unsanitary it could be. Let alone if they decide to put their lips on something else.

So here I am thinking what I wouldn't want to put my lips on and try to eat if I was a little boy...

a) A stripper stage or pole...

b) Pete Doherty and unfortunately Kate Moss because of where her lips have been on him...

c) The toilet seat after my roommate has been on it...

d) Catherine's kitchen counter... (Blame her Dad!!!)

e) Rosie O'Donnell eeeeeeeeeew

The list will grow along the way, but these were the first things that popped into my head. Please feel free to share yours, cause I know you will...

I just saw Erika Eleniak's boobs on the tube from "Under Siege" Maybe I should do a list of things I would, but can't put my mouth on...

"I'm just a cook."

How The Mighty Have Fallen

I felt I needed to actually write a post this time instead of just posting pics and vids.

Now in the past year my life has changed dramatically as you ALL know. I have two new best friends and things are going great. As I look back a year ago I can remember how different my life really was. The things I was doing, the people I met and the freedom I had.

Please don't get me wrong, I AM NOT COMPLAINING... I am actually enjoying my new life, but I do have to share this one story.

Sometimes it hits me and some times it doesn't. Well let me tell ya, he hit me hard Tuesday night.

If I was confused about how much my life isn't much different a year ago than today then this was a reality check...

I had tickets to the Red Sox game. It was my day off and my buddy was free that day as well. We took our time going to the ballpark. We got down there early to eat and have a few drinks. Well...

So here I am getting my groove on at the bar. I'm looking around and it's quite obvious that I am the hottest guy there. I'm working it. I'm feeling good. I haven't been out in a while. I'm doing my Quagmire head bob saying my gigady's every time a women walks by when... How embarrassing is this? The cute beer wench comes up and takes our drink order. It's my turn to pay so when she comes back I reach into my back pocket acting all cool and suave when out comes flying a...



SAVE $2.00 ON HUGGIES DIAPERS COUPON... There was also a 75 cent off on Huggies Baby Wipes and $1.50 off Huggies Bath & Body Products.


WOW!!! I'm glad I'm not single anymore. All I could do was smile...

Then it hits me. My life has officially changed. The anvil hit me on the head and I get it now.

So of course I tell Baby Anthony this story. He seemed to find it very amusing. He's probably sitting there crapping himself thinking, "It's about time he grew up and took some responsibility."

And since he has the blood of his mommy and daddy running through his veins, when I finished the story he had one response for me...

I BELIEVE HE JUST GAVE ME THE FINGER...

New Toy

So I'm probably going to annoy you guys with endless videos, but I don't care.

At 4:30 this morning, little Anthony decided to wake himself up along with Daddy with a monstrous poop. I swear the apartment shifted. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I changed his loaded diaper, which he seems to think is awfully funny and I got some clips of that, but as we played I decided to make this...

Enjoy and turn up the volume.

Create your own video at One True Media

I'm Getting Wicked Smart!

I've been trying to figure out how to add videos to my blog for some time now. Who knew that if I did more than five minutes of research I would have solved this problem a looong time ago.

As you can figure out I have some videos of Baby Anthony. So you will be seeing some of those real soon.

As for now check out this clip I found. Nothing better than messing with mother nature...


By the way... If you look closely, at the end of the clip you can see a pregnant Catdoggg in the background...

If You're Happy And You Know It...

CLAP YOUR HANDS






If You're Happy And You Know It...




Punch your face




If You're Happy And You Know It...




Make a left turn signal





If you're happy and you know it and you really wanna show it...


If You're Happy And You Know It...



Stick out your tongue

Like Father, Like Son

So if you haven't figured it out yet. I like to take photos of my child. So many photos that I will neglect an immediate diaper change for a smile... A feeding for a drooling pic... A burping for a scream, a swaddling for a dress up pic, and nap time for a Father and Son moment...

Now, if you don't think we're alike yet...

Take a look,

Photo-Op




Practicing Hot Potato




Who Farted???




It Burns!!!




WAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!