How The Mighty Have Fallen

Today I was trying to think of something different to write about, but I just got a phone call from one of my best friends. Actually he is my best friend and I have to share this with everyone. So to protect the innocent his alias will be "Pepper" for this post. This is classic.

Apparently, Pepper had taped ER earlier today so he could watch it when he got home from work. There was a scene where the doctors were standing around watching a live news coverage of a car chase. The doctors were cheering and egging on the driver being chased. Hoping inevitably that when he crashed he would have been out of their district by now and they wouldn't have to help him. Pepper thought this was hilarious. He decided he needed to call me at 1:15am.

Now I have known Pepper for many years and have received hundreds of late night phone calls from him. As you may know when friends decide to call you late at night these calls can range from something is wrong, to their drunk, gossip, or something funny happened.

A) Thank the Lord that it wasn't the first.

B) Sometimes the drunken calls can be fun at times, but when you're on the receiving end and stone cold sober, they can be annoying.

C) Gossiping would constitute having friends.

So the answer is:

D) Something funny happened.

I am going to fully admit that this is pure innocence on Pepper's part. Which is shocking. I'd have to say that 90% of all late nights calls from Pepper are drunk dials. They mostly consist of him laughing for 10 minutes without saying anything. If you've ever heard Pepper laugh, it's quite an experience. It's almost to the point to where he can't breath and he lets out a long outward hail of air with a hint of a maniacal undercurrant. The best thing about it is that it gets louder and longer to the point that he can't stop. Then he starts to make himself laugh, which makes you laugh, which makes him laugh, which makes you laugh some more, which keeps him going, you start to tear up, your stomach hurts and at that point the sun maybe coming up. If I ever had to predict how he'll leave this world, it will be from laughing.

So I'm going to try to write this as the conversation happened. Please bear with me. Just so you know, he said he called me at 1:15am. My phone rang at 1:18am..........

I was standing in my kitchen pondering whether I should go to my room and watch a movie or post a blog. My head was stuffed and my brain was tired. I decided I needed the rest. The phone rings.

"Hey Pepper." I said answering the phone.

In a really light voice with a sense of timidness oozing through the phone. I felt guilt. Pepper exhales.

"I just did something really stupid. I don't know how to tell you this so I'm just gonna tell it from the beginning." Pepper said carefully.

"What?"

"I was watching ER. I taped it earlier so I could watch it when I got home from work. There was a scene where all the doctors were standing around watching the television. There was a car chase and they were cheering and yelling. They were waiting for him to crash, but they wanted him to crash outside their district so they didn't have to deal with him. I found it so funny I wanted to call you."

"Okay, so what did you do that was so stupid?" I said in a puzzled voice.

"I went to dial your number and I guess I wasn't paying attention. I guess somehow I dialed your parents number. I've never called them in my life. I don't know how I did it. I'm sorry."

At this point I can see my mother being furious someone called the house so late.

"Did anyone answer?" I asked.

"Yes. Your mother did." Pepper said as he began to get more animated.

"What happened? Did you say you were sorry?"

"No." Pepper said. "Not quite."

"What do you mean not quite?" I asked.

"At first there was a long pause and I heard a voice say hello a couple of times. For some reason I thought it was Catdoogg or her friend Care Bear. (Catdoggg's friends alias for the post)

"Okay." I answered. "Then what?"

"At first I thought to myself, why would Catdoggg or Care Bear answer Anthony's phone? They must be playing a joke. So I went with it."

"Uh Oh." I was scared.

"So." Pepper starts to chuckle.

"What did you say?"

"I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." Pepper said

"Pepper, what did you say?" I said with frustration in my voice.

"I said something."

"WHAT!!!!" I said.

"I said. Hi this is Anthony's gay lover. May I please speak to him?"

"WHAT???"

"Yea, I said that and I didn't get a response at first so I started to breath heavy. The woman asked who this was."

"AND."

"I realized at that precise moment it was your mother." Pepper laughed.

"Oh my God. What did you say?"

"Linda"(Mom's alias for the post) Pepper said. "I'm so sorry. I'm soooo sorry. I didn't mean to call you. I thought I dialed Anthony's number. I apologize. I'm so sorry."

To tell everyone the truth I had a really hard time keeping a straight face at this point. I started to laugh my ass off. I couldn't help it. So after ten minutes of us laughing, I asked what else transpired. Pepper was telling me that he thought in the end she might have laughed but he wasn't sure. He was very concerned. Now a brief synopsis of my mom.

My mother is a wonderful lady. She'll do anything for you. She can be extremely generous, but she's tough. Tough enough that she can be pretty intimidating at times. She has that physical presence. She doesn't take crap from anyone and she doesn't hide her true feelings too well. If she's mad at ya, you'll know. If she wants to say something to you, she will and without any regard of who's around and where you are. Oh, did I mention Pepper works for my mother and I. Oops!!!

He feels like such a fool. I feel bad for him because this time he was sober. He had no real excuse. He made a mistake which turned into a night of hilarity for me. Along with a new post for my blog. He didn't mean it. Pepper is 35 years old. He said he never felt smaller. He felt like a 18 year old prank calling someone's house. Poor kid. He even asked what time tomorrow morning would be a good time to call her to apologize. I said anytime other than 1:15am. HA! I'm sure my phone will ring tomorrow morning as well. Trust me, if anything more comes out of this I will definitely be passing it along.