Monday, July 24, 2006

He Might Be Into Japanese Films...

*Note to self*

Never, ever, ever give your 4 and a half month old a shoulder ride while he has the hiccups on a full stomach.

Of course formula and sweet potato might actually be good for your hair.

Stay tuned.

p.s. I'll try not to look so overjoyed the next time A4 scores a direct hit on mommmy. Hee Hee!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

By The Power Of Gray Skull!!!!!!

Ok, so some of you know how much I talk about how advanced Anthony is. How he's in this percentile and that percentile. It may be a little too much to take, but hey I don't care if I repeat myself... He's my son and he's the bomb. I am proud he is not a floppy baby and if the little guy is doing things a 6 to 8 month is doing then YES I'm going to talk about it.

Proud Father here...

What you may not know is how strong the little guy is. When I say strong I mean strong.

The kid after an hour out of being out of the wretched womb ( as Stewie from the Family Guy would say )... On a side note. Little does Anthony know that he spent 9 months of his life trying to get out and the rest of his life trying to get back in... :)

Anyway, after an hour out of the womb, he lifted his head. Since then the kid has shown advanced strength only compared to the Incredible Hulk.

He was standing at 2 and a half months. He literally walks across the room if you hold him so he doesn't fall. He hurts like hell when he whacks you in the face. Which by the way, HE LOVES TO DO... He slams his foot and pushes off from the Baby Bijorn and pushes Daddy across the room. The kid is a brute....

In fact this afternoon, Anthony was crawling up Daddy's torso when he punch me in my gut, put both hands down on me and preceded to push himself up onto his two feet and stand for all of 5 seconds. Unfortunately he has the balance of his Dad after 5 Crown Royal and cokes, but give him time. He's learning...

Which leads me to my original point.

The other morning I was watching him as Mommy went to the gym. Long ago we have removed his Mobile from the music box, because quite honestly, he doesn't really care and it keeps him awake longer than we want. Since then we have put it onto the side of his crib, out of his way. So we thought...

After I thought he was asleep, Anthony decided that he had enough of this stupid mobile part intruding on his territory. I was in the other room watching television when I heard a large thud. At first I didn't think anything of it and then I began to worry that maybe somehow he figured out how to get out of his crib. All I could think of was that Anthony fell out of his crib on my watch.

I don't know if I was more terrified of him being hurt or the repercussions from his mom. Lets just say I rushed in as fast as I could.

The part was hanging off the side of the crib. Somehow Anthony had thrown it off the side to the front. About 3 feet away. No Shit!!!

Now he likes to fall asleep with his arms dangling through the crib rails, but even if his normal automated reflex was to knock it straight up it would have landed straight down from its original position.

NO!!!! This was knocked over the side of the crib toward the front. Which means the little bugger had to lift it up and somehow undo it from the post and lift it over the front railing onto its final decent.


I went in and he wasn't crying. He just looked at me and smiled. Like nothing ever happened. He ended up having a tiny bruise on his arm, but even if it was an automated reflex, it was one freaking strong one.

I love my Super Baby... He definitely has the POOOOWEEEEER!!!!

* This post was written under the influence of Crown Royal and Coke. Any spelling errors and repetition was not intentional. Bad grammar and run-ons were meant for Kiki's blog. No Babies were harmed during the writing of this post.

Monday, July 17, 2006

No One Gets Out Of Here Alive!!!

Now, what is it about wakes???

Nobody likes them, nobody really wants to go to them. It can be an incredibly sad day for loved ones and alike, but what about the rest of us????

It's hard enough when it's a family member or a close friend. It can be really difficult if it's one of your best friends and you see how sad they can be. But nobody thinks about the visitors and how they feel.

I'm not being selfish, I just have a really hard time going to these things. Partly because I hate seeing people upset like that. I always have this feeling that when I walk into a funeral home there are going to be hundreds of people sobbing and throwing themselves onto the casket. When in reality everyone is having a good time and smiling. THAT'S FUCKED!

I can't get over it.

Not to mention that I have ABSOLUTELY no idea how to act or what to say to anyone there. Everytime I go to one, when I am introduced I always shake their hand and ask them,

"How you doing?"

OH MY GOD!!! How do you think they are fucking doing? I'm an idiot.

Or even better, when I leave and I say good bye to someone, I always end up saying,

"Have a good night." or "Have a good one." IDIOT!!!

I know I'm not alone.

Plus, I don't think it's proper to have your girlfriend sit on your lap across from the mouring line.... UGH!!!!!

p.s. when I die do me a favor and cremate me and throw me outside of a moving truck on Route 95. Done. No awkwardness for anyone. Just go out and get drunk, cause that is what I would have wanted. Besides a room full of strippers throwing themselves on my casket. But that might be Kiki's wake...

Saturday, July 15, 2006

He's Off To Explore The Rings Of Saturn

How else can I describe Anthony's 4 month visit to the doctors???

My son scored off the charts in every category on Wednesday.

He is 26 inches long and 17 pounds with a cranium of 20 inches. Which translates to him being in the 95th percentile in height and weight and being in the 90th percentile in the biggest head category...

So remember that post back in the day, where I talked about Anthony being able to beat up 86 out of a 100 kids in the school yard...

Well now he can take out 95 out of a 100 brats. Love it. My little monster baby.


He's actually doing things at 3 1/2 to 4 months that 6 month olds should be doing. No floppy baby syndrome. That's great cause I'm going to need a bodyguard when I get older since I seem to lack the motivation to go to the gym on a regular basis.

This is great cause now when I get older than I already am, I can take bets at the local VFW. "I bet my son can kick your son's ass." "I bet my son can flip that car." I bet my son has a bigger penis." OH WAIT! That would be one of Mommy's bets...

If our life was the movie Gattaca, Anthony would be leading the pack into space exploration... Or he'd sell his DNA to another inferior baby and snuff himself out in the incinerator.

Lets go with the first one.

Only one criterion : genetic perfection

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Clothes Make The Man Or In This Case, The Baby!!!

I couldn't resist...

This isn't an advertisement. This isn't a professional baby model. This is my son showing off one of the shirts daddy bought for him.

Wait until you see the others...

He's so going to hate me when he gets older...

Friday, July 07, 2006

Nothing Pink Can Hurt You...

So some of you may or may not know that this past week we had a visitor. His name is Kiki... The thunder form down under, the lover of all things marsupial, the picker upper of strippers, and I hate to admit this, but he's cool...

I blame him for my recent lapse in posting. Why blame yourself when you can blame others???

Between partying with him and going to Madonna, it has been a rather tiring week.

KIKI GO HOME!!! I'm exhausted....


Hmm, I have to admit the woman puts on an incredible show. Catdoggg and I really only went to see one song, but ended up diggin the whole thing. 2 songs in I admitted that it was worth the money. Now, lets just hope the Red Hot Chillipeppers don't disappoint.

By the way, if you have epilepsy...DO NOT GO TO MADONNA!!!!

We also visited my old Sunday night hangout from many moons ago and was surprised to see my buddy Joe still working the bar.

On Sunday nights we used to own that place. We would come over from work or during sometimes and the numbers were high, but there was always the 6 of us and we would drink and drink and gamble and gamble our paychecks away. Playing Liars Poker between 6 to 8 people at $20 a hand could either make you very rich or very poor in seconds. Tony would whip out the dice sometimes and between that and betting on who would pee next we did it all. Good times... If you won...

Of course the night was not complete without the signature shot that I introduced to Catdoggg last night. They are called Pink Things, Why? Cause nothing pink can hurt you.

Joe's specialty. I've been drinking these shots for 9 years now and I still don't now exactly what's in them, but let me tell you that they do and will affect you operating heavy machinery.

Oh, and we taught the Catdoggg how to play Liars Poker. She of course is a natural. I'm screwed!!!

They also have a Margarita Pole that lists 9 different drinks. If you drink the pole you drink for free. Catdoggg sat there and tried to figure it out and truly thinks that she could do it, but Joe had to inform her that in his 15 years of bartending there were only 3 people who had finished it. Then after she had just two of Joe's normal Margarita, I think she quickly learned that it's almost impossible.

That's all for now...

p.s. Yes, as mentioned on another blog, expect to see the photos of Kiki and The Papadog's gay night out.