Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Quick Story...

I was going through my daily blog ritual and I came across a story at
The Boob Lady which reminded me of my own story.

I remember one time when I was at a Red Sox game with my buddy Wee-Man(sometimes referred to as Shawn or Obie). Why we call him Wee-man is another story...

We were on Yawkey Way smoking a cig (God I miss sucking those down) and this disturbingly, ugly girl walked by us.

Now I don't think Wee-Man noticed, partly because he's vertically challenged, but I sure as hell did.

You know when you see something, whatever it is and you can't stop staring at it. It's almost worse than staring at someone who is attractive. You seem to have better control at that. But someone who is odd, ugly, deformed, and you can't help but stare. It's awful. I'm awful. :)

So she walks by and shes standing about 20 feet away from my right. Wee-Man and I are chatting , but I keep looking over. Well, I look over one too many times. She thinks I'm looking at her. Looking at her!!! As my son would say, "Uh-Oh!"

She starts to smile at me. I start to react the same way Homer does when he thinks about Marge's sisters. I can feel the bile coming up my throat. She starts to walk over to me.

Now this could be Overheard in Boston...

me) Oh no!

wee) What?

me) I just stared at the sun.

wee) (looking up) It's not sunny out.

me) No this ugly girl to my right, she's coming over here.

wee) Where is sh...

me) Oh my God she's getting closer!

wee) Wh...

me) Kiss me.

wee) WHAT?

me) Kiss me quick!!!

wee) NOOOOO

At this point I lean over and pretend to maul him. I didn't know what to do! He starts laughing. I start laughing so hard I didn't even notice I spilled my beer.

I didn't turn around to see what happened next, but I assume that when she was upon us and heard us laughing about kissing each other to keep her away she probably crawled away...

I know it's kind of mean, but I still think it's funny.

From that moment I have been very careful to sneak my peeks. Ya never know when you might have to kiss your best friend to escape something...

7 comments:

furiousBall said...

You're so going to ugly chick hell now, there you'll be forced to make out with all the other guys there.

Editorgirl said...

That poor girl! Just you checking her out might have made her whole year and you did that to her. Furiousball is right, you are going to ugly chick hell :-)

The Boob Lady said...

HAHA!! You're rotten!

A man after my own heart though.

Diesel said...

That's awesome. I have totally had that experience. Can't... look... away....

Anonymous said...

I bet WeeMan saw her... he just found her attractive...

ThePapaDog said...

Furious-if i'm in hell i won't care as long as they are clean shaven. Wait!!! if i'm going to ugly chick hell then why do I have to make out with guys!!!

Editorgirl-I never told her to be ugly. She should blame her mother for drinking too much moonshine when she was pregnant.

Boobs-You're not the first person to tell me that. :)

Diesel-Shiny...red...button...red... candy...like...button... Must...not...touch...

Anon- knowing him he probably snuck her his phone # later.

Keith said...

LOL! It's really hot where you're going.

Kiss a man, or talk to an ugly girl? I'm so glad I'm married.