Quick Story...

I was going through my daily blog ritual and I came across a story at
The Boob Lady which reminded me of my own story.

I remember one time when I was at a Red Sox game with my buddy Wee-Man(sometimes referred to as Shawn or Obie). Why we call him Wee-man is another story...

We were on Yawkey Way smoking a cig (God I miss sucking those down) and this disturbingly, ugly girl walked by us.

Now I don't think Wee-Man noticed, partly because he's vertically challenged, but I sure as hell did.

You know when you see something, whatever it is and you can't stop staring at it. It's almost worse than staring at someone who is attractive. You seem to have better control at that. But someone who is odd, ugly, deformed, and you can't help but stare. It's awful. I'm awful. :)

So she walks by and shes standing about 20 feet away from my right. Wee-Man and I are chatting , but I keep looking over. Well, I look over one too many times. She thinks I'm looking at her. Looking at her!!! As my son would say, "Uh-Oh!"

She starts to smile at me. I start to react the same way Homer does when he thinks about Marge's sisters. I can feel the bile coming up my throat. She starts to walk over to me.

Now this could be Overheard in Boston...

me) Oh no!

wee) What?

me) I just stared at the sun.

wee) (looking up) It's not sunny out.

me) No this ugly girl to my right, she's coming over here.

wee) Where is sh...

me) Oh my God she's getting closer!

wee) Wh...

me) Kiss me.

wee) WHAT?

me) Kiss me quick!!!

wee) NOOOOO

At this point I lean over and pretend to maul him. I didn't know what to do! He starts laughing. I start laughing so hard I didn't even notice I spilled my beer.

I didn't turn around to see what happened next, but I assume that when she was upon us and heard us laughing about kissing each other to keep her away she probably crawled away...

I know it's kind of mean, but I still think it's funny.

From that moment I have been very careful to sneak my peeks. Ya never know when you might have to kiss your best friend to escape something...