Hair Today...

So for the past 12 years I have been cutting my own hair. Basically I got tired of over paying for a 3 minute haircut that Helen Keller could do. I mean really, if I wasn't about to lose an ear from a 90 year old barber with Parkinson's or keeping one eye open when my hair is being washed by someone from the Fab 5.. Ugh!

Just a waste of money. Seriously.

For these past 12 years I very rarely messed up. In the beginning there was a learning curve, but generally speaking most people are shocked that I cut my own hair.

"How do you see your back?"

"How do you make it even?"

"Why are you so sexy?"

"Can you cut my hair?"

"Do you do back hair?"

I've done that in college. Not the back hair, but other peoples heads. Hook the boys up with a fade some scribe. WORD!

Alas, for some reason I wanted to try a new clip. Stupidly I wasn't paying too much attention to the degree of cuttage that this clip would do. Yes I think I just made that word up.

I took the clippers and started to blend my side when I got about four to six inches in when I realized that I just completely buzzed my head.

There was no going back now. I couldn't blend it to make it look normal. I would have looked like a huge mushroom head. Fucking Mario would be stomping on me right now. Mushroom Head

So I did what I had to do. Buzzed the whole thing. Gone, Done, Fin...

At one point I gave myself a Mohawk. Looked pretty cool, but I got rid of that too. Should have kept it. I was feeling okay about the whole scalping. I knew it was a new drastic look for me, but I didn't think it was that bad...

Well, pretty much everyone I know hated it. Well, it would have made me feel better if they did say they hated it. Instead I got;

"You look better with hair."

"HaHaHaHaHaHa!!! Sorry I had to get that out."

"I like you better with hair." <- LIKE! Does that mean you like me less now???

"Did you enlist?"

"You look like Powder."

"It should grow back soon."

"If you color your eyebrows it won't look so bad."

Thanks guys. Even my 14 month old son looked at me, looked at my head, smiled and bopped me on the noggin a few times.

I look like a Crystal Meth addict or add a few scabs on my head and I look like Tom Hanks from Philadelphia

The moral of this story is. Don't fuck up your hair. Now I have to wear a hat for the next month and a half. Not to mention I'll probably get a sunburn on my white, pasty head now...

I have some more wine luncheons coming up. What the Fuck!

I guess I could buy a wig...