No One Gets Out Of Here Alive!!!

Now, what is it about wakes???

Nobody likes them, nobody really wants to go to them. It can be an incredibly sad day for loved ones and alike, but what about the rest of us????

It's hard enough when it's a family member or a close friend. It can be really difficult if it's one of your best friends and you see how sad they can be. But nobody thinks about the visitors and how they feel.

I'm not being selfish, I just have a really hard time going to these things. Partly because I hate seeing people upset like that. I always have this feeling that when I walk into a funeral home there are going to be hundreds of people sobbing and throwing themselves onto the casket. When in reality everyone is having a good time and smiling. THAT'S FUCKED!

I can't get over it.

Not to mention that I have ABSOLUTELY no idea how to act or what to say to anyone there. Everytime I go to one, when I am introduced I always shake their hand and ask them,

"How you doing?"

OH MY GOD!!! How do you think they are fucking doing? I'm an idiot.

Or even better, when I leave and I say good bye to someone, I always end up saying,

"Have a good night." or "Have a good one." IDIOT!!!

I know I'm not alone.

Plus, I don't think it's proper to have your girlfriend sit on your lap across from the mouring line.... UGH!!!!!

p.s. when I die do me a favor and cremate me and throw me outside of a moving truck on Route 95. Done. No awkwardness for anyone. Just go out and get drunk, cause that is what I would have wanted. Besides a room full of strippers throwing themselves on my casket. But that might be Kiki's wake...