Saturday, April 14, 2007

The List Keeps Growing

You know that old adage, "You see something new everyday." Well, every time I think I never will, I do.

I used to say it quite often back in the day. Then we bought another store in the Ghetto! Actually that's not fair. At first it was an up and coming neighborhood, but for some reason toward the end it turned into Raccoon City.

If I only thought of blogging back then I would have been bigger than
Dooce by now. Man! The stories I had about that place. The only reason and I stress ONLY reason I wasn't shot and left for dead was because the police station was right next door. And if it wasn't for all the cops hanging out in my store smoking cigs, scratching lotto tix, and drinking beers in the cooler I would have been long gone from this world.

Back to my original point though. Just when you think you've seen it all and heard it all, something or someone comes along and reminds you that you can never be snoozing. You never know what you may experience in this world. That's what makes life so exciting sometimes. SO PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!

I was in the locker room today and I just got out of the shower. I'm over near my locker trying to pretend I'm not sizing myself up to anyone else. What is it about those skinny guys sometimes??? Anyway, I took a nice hot shower so I was feeling good about having controlled my shrinkage when I turn to my left where the showers are...

I see a man butt naked coming out of the shower in a wheelchair. I have never seen that before. At first I say to myself why is that man naked in a wheelchair. Duh! Then I see that he's soaked and I begin to wonder if he ruined the chair at all by getting it wet. Good thing it's not that cold today or that shit would freeze and he'd be stuck to it. Nothing a warm pee can't get you out of though ...

I guess I never expected to turn around and see a grown, wet, naked man in a wheelchair this afternoon. It really took me off guard.

Yes, I stared! Quick Story I can't help it. :)

I guess I never thought about the fact that he had to take a shower. Just weird. I wish I could have taken a picture to show you guys, but I think I would have been thrown out of the Health Club. Surprisingly this is by far one of my tamest encounters with a wheelchair folk.


Which one of the following have I done to a person in a wheelchair???

A) Caught one stealing from my store and pushed them into the street out of control with their arms flailing while a cop looked on, looked at me, smiled, and walked away.

B) Picked one up and made them stand and walk because I knew they were full of shit and then promptly muscled them out of my life.

C) Met someone in a wheelchair and shook their hand and said, "Very nice to meet you, don't get up."

D) Gave one a matchbox and told them, "Now here's some matches, now go light yourself on fire."

E) Stared at a naked man in a wheelchair and admired his girth.

F) All of the above.

For those out there that know me, this is an easy one.

Yea, and some of you think I'm going to ugly girl hell, but there's also a shit load of wheelies down there waiting for me there too.


Diesel said...

You're going to be reincarnated as a fat dude in a wheelchair. That's right, you're actually going to be born as a fully developed adult male, complete with wheelchair. It will be hard on your mother.

catdoggg said...

I guess all of the above!

The Boob Lady said...

HA! Catdogg has an unfair advantage. And, Diesel is totally right.

Editorgirl said...

Classic! Sometimes I forgot the stories about that place - and man they still make me laugh bec we don't have to live them anymore. Love the list - I know the truth!

furiousBall said...

I can't say I've ever seen that either. you know what's weird is when you play pickup basketball with the guys in your office at lunch. Everyone takes a shower and then you notice the guy from accounting that was bitching about his report isn't correct has a really, really small penis? That's justice.