Friday, March 02, 2007

The Following Takes Place Between March 2rd 2006 at 6pm to NOW!!!

This time last year I was at work. Catdoggg was still preggo. And Babydog still looked like this...



All that was about to change real quick.

So around 6pm I get a call from Catdoggg.

Me- "Yo."

Cat- "Hi, how are you doing?"

Me- "I'm good, how are you feeling?"

Cat- "Well I'm good, but I just wanted to call you and let you know that you should come home soon, but don't rush, but soon okay?"

Me- "What? Are you okay? What? What? What?"

Cat- "I'm fine. Hurry, but don't hurry. Oh and when you do come home, please bring home a box of Fudgicles."

Yea, so now I'm a mess at work. Holy crap! I'm going to be a dad. I'm going to have responsibilities. I'm going to be a role model. I have to get Fudgicles! What if they don't have the right ones? She'll fucking kill me. I don't want to have to travel to 5 supermarkets to find the right Fudgicles. My baby will be born and I'll be in line waiting for the zit plagued high school kid to price check the potentially wrong Fudgicles.

I stay at work a tad bit longer and run down to the closest supermarket. Thankfully they had the right ones. I get home and Catdoggg is pacing the basement. She sees me and immediately scans my arms to see if i had the box of Fudgicles. No hello, no I'm fine, just rips the box out of my hands like a Velociraptor and consumes 3 faster than any human I have ever seen.

So we're all getting nervous at this point. We finally feel like it's time to go to the hospital and we pile into her Aunt's car. It felt like we were in a clown car because everyone and their mother wanted to come along and give us their best advice. Plus, blue hairs drive sooooooo slow. Ugh! I don't know if i was happy to get to the hospital because of the birth of my child or to get out of that damn car.

We check in. we get a room and we wait. Catdoggg is in some pain and does some walking around...


You gotta Click on this Picture and take a closer look

We meet one of our many nurses. We filled the dry erase board out earlier. I mention this because Catdoggg wanted to do a natural birth. No drugs. Well, as time passed and pain ensued. We left a note on our board for the nurse to see when she comes back...



The nurse just smiled and left. Here comes the epidural. Catdoggg went from this...


To this...



It's amazing what drugs can do for you. God I miss college.

The drugs knock her out and I pass out till early morning. Around 5:30 the nurse comes in and takes a peek. She asks Catdoggg if she wants to start pushing yet. I'm sitting there realizing that I'm no longer dreaming and I am about to witness something beautiful yet really gross.

Up to this time we didn't know what gender Babydog was going to be. Here I tried many times to find out but it never worked out for me.Or Here

So here he comes. I see this little gray object inside of Catdoggg. Very weird. What was even weirder was that the doctor wanted me to touch it. I was in a trance. It didn't matter what anyone said to me at this point. If they wanted me to do something I probably would have done anything. So I touch it. It's gray, sticky, just weird. Well, it's my baby's head.

She continues to push and this gray head gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Holy crap! How is that possible? When...

POP! His head is out. The doctor reaches in and pulls out each arm. So now his head is out along with both of his arms. All I could think of at that moment was that my child looked like Quato from the movie "Total Recall"...

Daddy, start the reactor. Free your mind....

When suddenly out gushes all this blood. My God! It was like a slasher flick. The doctor then pulls my child out of mommy's womb and I have a beautiful baby boy. I have a son! I have kept the bloodline going...



At 6:46 am on March 3rd Babydog officially introduced himself to our world. He weighed 7.15 pds and 19 inches long.

While he's getting warmed up I didn't even notice his wang the whole time. I was so consumed with Quato and the blood that I forgot to look. I was too busy with the doctor poking away at his home for the past 9 months...




Welcome to our world Babydog. It's was hard to imagine you being here but it's even harder now to imagine you were never here. You've done nothing but bring smiles to every face you've seen. You've brought so much joy to our world. We love you very much.

I love me waffle eating, milk boozing, curry shiting, nose running, wiggle worming, Godzilla destroying, belly laughing, bear hugging, blanket loving, dog grabbing and cat slapping, cheerio stealing, dancing, yelling, clap happy little boy. I don't care if you laugh every time you watch me pee.

We love you!!!

Happy birthday son!

6 comments:

Scottsdale Girl said...

BabyDog and my Prince share a birthday...weird n'est pas?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABYDOG!

Editorgirl said...

How wonderfully written Anthony! You are the funniest writer ever! I love you, Cat and Baby A

Carrie said...

Happy Birthday A4...I can't believe a year has passed. I remember being at the hospital in the middle of the night...oh wait I have a pic..lol Then I went home and missed it all..grrr!! HEHE!!
Congrats on having such a good natured handsome boy! (takes after cat huh??) xoxo

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to the Babydog

furiousBall said...

Happy B-day little man! That was an awesome post. Oh, one question, did your son ever ask you to "Open your mind"

The Boob Lady said...

Holy fuck, i just pissed myself. You make me belly laugh so much! Glad I found you.

Fuckin' Quato. Man oh man.